i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
