FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
