yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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