Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
