i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
