I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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