i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
