I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize