Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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