So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
what day is it and did you see me today?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
