You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
