I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
