I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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