The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
