Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
