ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
