Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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