We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
They have beer where we have blood.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
