The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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