time to smoke my breakfast
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
