I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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