honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize