I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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