he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
