I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
