There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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