3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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