she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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