WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
