New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
no, he came in my armpit
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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