Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
