these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
