I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
