There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
