I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
