he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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