HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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