sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
