We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
