i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
