Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
