She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So much rum. So many feels.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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