Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Is Oprah even human
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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