both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
