can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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