But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
