i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and she was petting her beer can
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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