You were right. It hurts to walk today.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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