i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize