Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
