I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
