Got a toothbrush?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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