She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
