My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry about my life...
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
