Having a random hookup so left but love u
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
