i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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