she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
