I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
