I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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