dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
