the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
as a side note pls kill me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
