Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
