Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
