Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
