Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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