One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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