y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
