So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
