I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
